The God Complex
I hate soul-searching, especially when it’s mine. It’s absolutely frustrating knowing that I lost it somewhere along the line in the shamble of things. I find it extremely difficult to balance everything in my life. I know some people find it hard to balance work and their social life. The imbalance usually leads to either the common workaholic or the addict constantly sniffing at their desk. I somehow don’t really have these issues. I can keep each of those entities separate. What I find problematic is my emotional response to the elements in my life. I can usually remain very logical without shoving my beliefs down anyone’s throat. However, on certain emotionally rainy days, I cannot keep my mouth shut. I tend to poke fun at the religious, the non-believers, the idiots, the super-intelligent, the rich, the poor, and everyone else. No one, for some reason, can do something right in my eyes.
I am submerged in anger and disbelief at what someone may say or expose me too. This feeling isn’t a stranger to me, but it isn’t common at all. I end up lashing at every Thomas, Richard and Harrison and can’t help myself but to belittle the person. I tend to mentally block out anything they may say, as it probably will be something incorrect and anger me further. Even after the event has occured, I blame them for upsetting me.
“If there weren’t so stupid…”
“If there weren’t so closed to new ideas…”
But then it hits me – not only are my efforts pointless, but the manner in which I opt to show them their faults is incorrect. For awhile, I have looked into how to tell someone they’re wrong – but in a socially accepted way.
But the guilty of my constant god-complex somehow overflows and not even I can control my own emotion that pours from my mouth. What follows hereon is always disasterous and completely painful.
After my heart stopped breaking (from my constant harassing of people), I realised that my efforts to change anyone were pointless. People don’t need to be changed. The world is as is it because people live as they live. I can’t change people, nor can I change their perceptions, ideas and fix their problems. They just need to live life as they would without me.
Besides, who said that my god-complex forms part of the path of the righteous? Just because I am opionated, doesn’t necessarily mean that anyone is willing to listen to me – whether I am right or wrong.